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April 15 2018

18:02

I’m a horrible person.


My “stepbrother” has been in the horrible in critical condition for 11 days. Some dumb kid was driving stupid and hit his bike. It feels like My family is having me care about a stranger, but they keep giving me updates since I should care more than I do. Everytime they call and give me good news, the next day it’s bad news. Today is the first time my mom has admitted he may not make it. He was dead on arrival, had been resuscitated 3 times, and is now not responding to being taken off of the paralytics, paid meds , and being out of the coma.



And all I can think about is I that is now have an 80% chance of needed to make a trip to Cali….

15:15

Being pregnant and s weird. Like. I’m not sick anymore. I’m bloated but not like…. baby belly fat. I can’t use the stupid doppler we were given because peanut is hiding. Like I haven’t felt pregnant for - couple weeks, but my sinuses are going crazy and I can’t take anything to help them.


Like if I hadn’t gotten an extra ultrasound a couple of weeks ago to prove I was still pregnant. I would be having anxiety attacks. The only reason I am not a complete mess is because is got to see little peanut, and the rational part of me knows that we are past the risk period.


But literally I might punch the next person who asks if I can feel the baby move, or if I know what I’m having yet. Like it’s the same 5 people, who get the same answer every time.


And what am I going to do when I actually do show and everyone wants to touch my belly. I almost had a panic attack think about it on Friday. The only people I’m comfortable having any type of physical contact with that aren’t my family or Cory are in California.


So basically I’m a mess and the next 5 ½ months are going to be so hard because all I want to do is focus on enjoying this.

15:05

just-shower-thoughts:

Anxiety is like being set on fire and trying to be calm about it while waiting for someone to put it out. But everyone around you is like, “What fire? Don’t worry about it.”

January 09 2018

23:03

Sitting in the waiting room for an ultrasound that tells me if everything I’m doing is working, and having my instagram flooded with people’s pregnancy announcements, and gender reveals, and babies sucks. I want to be happy for them, but I’m kinda just angry that we are still trying. I’m sticking myself with needles and taking all these pills and timing everyfuckingthing. All because I’m broken. And now I just feel guilty. We want this, and my body just doesn’t, and this isn’t the other people’s fault. They probably have their own issues, and I’m not being fair. This is stupid and tmi but whatever.

December 19 2017

03:41
0158 c2af 500

muddyke:

mojave-red:

poorlytimed:

jumpingjacktrash:

dykewithadick:

lilylilymine:

blackmorgan:

Mama ginger kitty adopts four orphaned baby hedgehogs after their mother dies, and raises them alongside her own kitten.

INature

spikey babies you are good. soft mom loves all her children.

PRICKLE KITTENS

please observe my scrubby childs, they are better than regular kittens bc in addition to being cute they are tough on stains

some of my children are spiky but that’s okay

@finncessmana I don’t know if you’ve seen this yet

@acousticlesbian

03:41
0178 14c6

December 17 2017

17:34

Waiting sucks

I spent the last 5 years telling my self I didn’t want kids. Long enough that I was starting to believe that lie. I think that’s the hardest part of fertility specialists.

I let myself want kids again. We have both desperately wanted kids since basically the beginning. We now have this hope that this might work. But the thing is, it doesn’t always. I’m trying so hard to remember that and not get my hopes up. Everything has happened how it is supposed to in the past month, and we’ll find out if we’re pregnant on Christmas Day.

Until then, I have to wait for the HCG trigger shot to get out of my system. I have to remind myself, and remind him, that the shot has all the same symptoms of pregnancy, because it is the pregnancy hormone. Which is why we can’t do anything until Christmas, because it won’t be out of my system until then.

Basically, you’d think that I would be able to keep telling myself that it’s okay if it doesn’t work, and not stress. But I don’t know how. This is hard and I took a test this morning knowing it would only show the shot, because I was hoping it was out of my system. It’s not, I knew it wouldn’t be.

So im going to keep sitting her and praying for patience, and wishing that I felt comfortable going to church, and wishing that more people were understanding about this process instead of just being overly fucking excited that’s we’re trying.

17:22

August 26 2017

03:57
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dialupmodem:

tallerantleft:

wondrousworld:

So my roommate (girl) bought this vodka?? and me (guy) and my other roommate (guy) poured a glass and have just been staring at it for a good 10 minutes idk what is this glitter fuckery I don’t wanna drink it

I (guy) am curious why your genders are relevant

i (big baller) am wondering if anyone here smokes weed (narcotic)

03:52

barbiegal:

no offense but money would solve literally every single one of my problems. like all of them. i dont have a single problem that money wouldnt immediately solve

03:52

brightindie:

My favorite thing is when people remember little things I told them. like seriously? you actually listened to me? thank you

03:48
1156 caf9 500

August 25 2017

04:51

just-shower-thoughts:

Messy handwriting is like the written version of a thick accent I can’t understand.

04:51
1163 05df 500

princeloki:

bughaze:

starry-eyed-wolfchild:

Bee Hotels for Solitary Bees

You may be wondering what bees need a hotel for, when they make their own hives. The truth is that many species of bees are solitary – the do not live in hives but instead construct their own nest. The main reason for this is because in these species every female is fertile and this would not make for comfortable communal living in a hive.

air bee n bee

we need one of those on the farm. the carpenter bees are… overstaying their welcome in the garage

04:49

sassygaysatan:

sure, when my grandfather fought nazis and fascism he was “a hero” and “on the right side of history” but when i do it im “way too sensitive” and “no better than they are”

03:07
1164 422a 500
03:04
1165 a412 500

ceescedasticity:

pigcatapult:

Your pupils contract in response to visible light, but not all of the sun’s light is visible. During an eclipse, your pupils widen because it’s dark, but there’s an outer layer around the sun that mostly only puts out light that’s not visible to us, but that can still damage your retinas. Thus, looking at an eclipse makes your pupils open up like it’s dark, which lets more of the invisible damage beams in.

The sun doesn’t get a critical multiplier on its damage when HP is low. Equipping the moon gives the sun a bonus to backstab.

Ooooooohhh, I never knew that!

02:41
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everythingfox:

AAAAAAHHHHHHH

May 08 2017

01:59

dedalvs:

abbiehollowdays:

ecstaticunicorns:

channellingebert:

kylos-knight:

goldenheartedrose:

missingrache:

lepidosauria:

zohbugg:

ayyymagician:

madsciences:

thegala-apple:

casualllyweeping:

whitefriartuck:

vikingofficial:

pollymol:

bigwordsandsharpedges:

turtletot43:

harmonicakind:

i was about to joke about how my political stance is “end lawnmower culture” but then it occurred to me that i actually Am against lawns as suburban status symbols and wastes of land that Could be used to sustain native flora & fauna and grow food for people, but no, instead they are these huge useless swaths of land that need Constant maintenance, the process of which is not only destructive, but Incredibly Loud

You know that actually is the purpose of a lawn? They started as a trend of the French monarchy - the ones revolutionaries beheaded for being self indulgent assholes.

It exists purely as a status symbol that says, “I have land but I don’t have to use it for anything productive. I can invest time, money and resources in maintaining an entirely useless crop on land I’m not farming just because it looks pretty.”

Lawns offend me.

Why have that stunted golf course in front of your suburban house if you can’t even water it? Get one of these instead.

Unite Against the Lawn

Pro tiny house, anti grass lawn. Prioritize practicality.

This is actually really interesting because back in the 1950s and 60s in Australia when we started getting large waves of Southern European migrants one thing the Italians and others would often so is buy a little suburban home, then tear out the ornamental flower beds and lawn and useless trees and plant fruits, vegetables, grapes and even olives. It was considered completely scandalous by their Anglo-Saxon neighbours because lawn was considered an aspirational thing and the ideal was to go from not needing a kitchen garden and having an ornamental garden to show how well you were doing.

This is great. All of it.
Not to derail this too much, but “Lawnmower” culture also reminds me of aggressively heterosexual men. Men ALWAYS will use mowing the lawn as a way to get out of doing all the other household chores – having a lawn that a man mows somehow makes maintaining everything else inside a house the women’s responsibility.
Down with lawnmower culture.

i’ve actually read a whole book on lawns and lawn culture (yes, really) it’s called lawn people by paul robbins check it out and let’s all boycott lawn culture together!!!

@hoaxtumbles I want a vegetable lawn 

Agriburb!

I have never really thought about how lawns came to be like a standard thing but wow this makes sense. I hate mowing the lawn boycott all lawns

lawns actually cause a lot of habitat fragmentation for local wildlife and plants so fuck lawns

Article about biodiversity and how lawns are Not Good and plants you can grow to help

Video about the same!

This is so great.

Also, some of my neighbors have really big lawns and I mean really, and I think I was so baffled a few years ago that I asked one of them, “so what is a lawn for exactly?” and they said “Idk so my kids can play on it” but honey how many kids actually play on their front lawn I mean I have never seen a single youngling on that grass football field in front of your house

@tea-zilla

only tumblr would have lawn discourse

and only tumblr would convince me to take a stand against lawns

Don’t forget vegetable gardens were often banned in the US in order to keep the poor (usually POC) out of white more affluent areas.

Many of those laws still stand and are being enforced to this day.

If you haven’t seen it, there was a really great talk at TED in 2013 by Ron Finley who goes into urban areas in LA and starts planting vegetable gardens. It’s amazing. Link is here.

May 02 2017

04:16
4856 1512 500

mashamorevna:

“I’m not superstitious, I believe in plenty when there’s reason and evidence to believe. I don’t believe in anything I can’t see, but I feel like there’s a fucking axe hanging over me. I can’t see it, but I believe it.” 

(American Gods, 2017)

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